u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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