I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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