Need sex. Gaining weight.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
