shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
