i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
