if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
