I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
