If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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