I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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