Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
