im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
