alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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