I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
