I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
