peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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