SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
