I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
