Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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