Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
