About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
