Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
