He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are we still banned from the library?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
