I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
