I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
