I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
