So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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