is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
