Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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