why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
