**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
