afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
