she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
