And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
