I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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