Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
