Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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