I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
