If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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