like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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