feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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