i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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