Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
