OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
