You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
