You smell like stripper and shame
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
