this beer tastes like vomit already
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
