Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
