My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
