Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
