she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
