dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
