I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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