True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sarcasm needs its own font
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
