You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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