Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
