is your mom at the bar?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
